John leaves a comment on this blog!

Well, would you believe it? My old friend—and Young America's star employee—John has graced this humble blog with his presence and left a comment. You may want to shield your eyes, though, kids. John's got quite the potty-mouth:

rob [my last name] said...

Dear Rob:

You're a whiny fucking bitch. It's a 30 dollar rebate for a phone that you can probably barely afford. Suck it up for real. Why don't you go ahead and make something of your life rather than making a website about how some company whose sole purpose in life is probably to deny rebates did their job properly.

In conclusion: You're a fucking whiner and should return to your life of perpetual virginity and wife beating.

February 24, 2007 1:24 AM

Poor John maybe had a wee bit too much to drink last night. (Note: John lives in Minnesota, so he actually left the comment at 12:24 AM his time.)

Anyway, you're probably wondering how I know John left the comment, and not some other random person who just decided to go to the trouble of doing so. Let's review the facts:

1. The comment is left on the same day that I tell John about this blog.

2. John "signs" his comment using my full name (I've edited out my last name as I wish to remain anonymous). Now, here's the thing: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY on this planet, except John and I, knows the identity of this blog's author. (John knows because I e-mailed him about it. Do try and keep up!)

3. It must be pretty difficult to be simultaneously a wife-beater and a virgin, no? OK, that's not relevant, but I thought it worthy of a mention.

John puts me in mind of one of those Hollywood villains whose ill-advised attempts to seem smart always precipitate their rapid downfall. He probably thought, perhaps in an alcohol-soaked torpor, that letting me know that he knows my last name would spook me in some way. Instead, all he did was reveal his own identity.

By the way, I have deleted the comment now. As I said, I wish to remain anonymous, and the comment included my last name.

John tries to make a comeback

John finally replied today. Incredibly, his e-mail is exactly the same as the weird one about bar codes he sent on the 14th (see here).

With a tear in my eye, I give him the bad news:

Sorry John, but I have a new friend now.

See http://tmobilerebate.blogspot.com

However, much to my relief, he seems to take it quite well:

Dear Rob,

Thank you for your response.

Sincerely,
John
Rebate Centre Representative

Oddly enough, this response arrived within six minutes.

I am tired of dealing with these people. I submitted a complaint to the Better Business Bureau today.

Good bye John, hello Domenic!

I swear they make these names up. Anyway, the message I sent to the general e-mail address was answered by someone who claims to be called Domenic:

Dear, Rob

Thank you for choosing T-Mobile

I have researched your rebate status, unfortunately we have yet to receive the receipt you have resubmitted. I do apologize for this delay.

If we could please ask you to allow more time for us to receive the rebate submission material. We do appreciate your patience.

Well, this response is less robotic than most of John's, but I think, dear reader, you'll agree that this business is getting stranger and stranger. Why do they, in one e-mail, say that I should allow six weeks for my "rebate submission material" to arrive and then, after that period has expired, ask me to "allow more time". Could they be stalling?

But, of course, the most bizarre thing of all is that I am using e-mail to discuss with these people the possible whereabouts of a printout of an… e-mail! I am sure, however, that simply forwarding the e-mail to them is not an acceptable procedure. (It's too easy and would result in having to pay out rebates, which, it would seem, is not the business they are in.)

I respond to Domenic:

I have been told to allow six weeks from resubmission before contacting you. It has now been more than seven weeks since I resubmitted my purchase confirmation e-mail.

Please specify how much time I now need to allow.

No response today.

Will SOMEBODY talk to me?

I feel terrible about it, but I just had to give up on John.

I forwarded our e-mail thread to the general tmobilerebates@young-america.com address.

I explained the situation thus:

Will someone please respond to this? I resubmitted a copy of my purchase confirmation e-mail in December but have heard nothing from you.

The person below gave me a completely irrelevant answer and then would not respond further.

Not only did I give up on him, I stabbed him in the back. I am a wicked man.

I think John might be ignoring me

Or perhaps I've confused him. I e-mail him again, keeping things simple:

Please respond.

He does not.

Bar code? Who mentioned a bar code?

John replied to my e-mail today.

Things are getting strange now:

Dear Rob,

Thank you for contacting the Rebate Centre. I have searched our database using the information provided to us in your e-mail. At the present time, I do not show any record of your rebate submission in our files. Unfortunately, the Rebate Centre is not able to validate a rebate request without it arriving at our facility. If you have already mailed off your original barcode panel from the side of the phone box, then we apologize but we would not be able to do anything further without that original panel.

As stated on the rebate form, we are not responsible for lost, late, mutilated, misdirected or postage due mail.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Sincerely,
John
Rebate Centre Representative

What the hell is this idiot talking about? Bar code? WTF?!

I wonder if this is part of a carefully thought-out strategy: Bombard the customer with bizarre responses until he gives up in bewilderment.

I try to bring us back on topic:

The letter said you didn't receive the store receipt. Why are you now talking about the bar code? As far as I know you have received that. Please tell me what I need to do next.

No response today.

Time's up, John

It's now been more than six weeks since I resubmitted my order confirmation e-mail. Time to wake up John again. It's clear they have not received it, so I ask John about what to do next.

There was no reply today.